Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Signs and Red Flags

It's called "The Fuglee Truth" because I am not going to derail from honesty.  If there's something that's too personal or incriminating; I'll just omit it completely. 

Signs.  Red flags.  They come up more than we care to notice or admit.  Red Flag #1:  I was friends with Nathan for about 6 months before we ever kissed.  We had a really cool friendship and shared interests in baseball, basketball, seafood, beer, and just life in general.  It was the night before my 28th birthday and my good friend had a little party for me.  Nathan came up to see me and hang out at the party.  When he was getting ready to leave I walked him to his car and we shared our very first kiss.  Moments later; my cell phone was blowing up.  Tired of hearing my phone ring I picked it up.  "Is Nathan with you?" the female caller asked.  "Yes.  Who is this?"  I asked.  "His girlfriend," she protested."  The entire time we talked and flirted and were friends; he had a girlfriend.  Not only was she his girlfriend; she was his baby's mama.  Now I knew he had a son and an "ex," but he had told me they hadn't been in a relationship for about a year. 

Can you say "pendeja?"  My mom would slap me if she knew I got with him after this experience.  A year had past and we crossed paths in Long Beach.  I was certain I could never date him again; but our friendship grew into something more and this time I was sure he was single... but who knows. 

The bottom line is that this was a tremendous, waving, bloody-red flag.  Once a cheater always a cheater?  I had reasoned that although Nathan didn't tell me he was still "technically" in a relationship; it was basically over with her anyway.  He put too much time and effort into our friendship to have been in a relationship with her.  Some of those old sayings still hold true. 

Red Flag #2:  As we began to date for the second time I thought that in spite of my reservations from my prior experience with him; things were going pretty well.  He met my friends and I met his family.  We played tennis and softball together.  Things were pretty normal.  Till one day I noticed he was acting strange, and the next day I didn't hear one word from him.  Now guys give us crap for thinking that just because we go hours without hearing from them doesn't mean they are up to something bad.  But I knew Nathan.  He was into me and he bugged me more than I bugged him.  So I was shocked to not get one phone call or text from him that day.  Given the way things went down the first time, (baby mama drama); I didn't put it past him to be up to something else.  The next day he finally called me only after I texted him to ask if he was still going to play in a softball tournament with my team and I.  "Do you want to know why I ignored you yestereday?" he asked.  "Uhmmm.... why?" I replied.  "I'm not ready to be in a relationship." he said.  What the bloody hell?!?!  This coming from the guy who would go on and on about how much he liked me, and how even after that first awful experience; he never stopped thinking of me.  Why oh why did I not see things clearly after this?  Days had passed and I told him to give me some time to shake him off.  I thought that maybe we could be friends in spite of what he had just told me.  Instead, we talked and texted and hung out more than ever; eventually establishing our connection and relationship.

Never, ever, ever let the good times make you completely overlook or rationalize the bad times.  Nathan and I had some great times together.  It felt good to be at his side and we had fun just hanging out and talking. When problems came up I did my best to understand them.  I made excuses. 

Red Flag #3:   He had a temper.  He was a hot-head and was very loud.  He told me about a few fights he had been in; the most recent being the night after our softball tournament. That fight landed him in jail for the night. If I ever asked him to repeat something more than once; or if I didn't understand what he said; he'd yell it out at me.  He often blamed his loud tone on his being a puerto-rican with a loud family; but sometimes he was a bit much.  Nathan was not abusive to me.  I don't want anyone (brothers) thinking that he mistreated me or physically abused me.  These are just little signs that should have kept me from pursuing a relationship with this type of person. 

Some of you might think that these warnings are obvious.  Who would ever willingly enter into such a relationship?  It happens.  Aside from the few commments posted on my first blog; I got several messages and texts from friends saying they have experience something similar. 

Enough of my ramblings; check out this website:  www.theredflagcampaign.orgThis is for everyone.  Single girls, married girls with single friends or siblings; guys with sisters, and guys themselves. 

More tomorrow.


1 comment:

  1. MORE FLAGS....MORE FUN....SIX FLAGS! hahahaa
    I keed I keed!

    But you already hit the nail on the head with this one:
    "Never, ever, ever let the good times make you completely overlook or rationalize the bad times."

    People make that mistake more often than they'd like to admit.