Saturday, December 11, 2010

Primpin Ain't Easy

Important night tonight. On top of being our Christmas party and me representing one of our Executives; I just want to look good!  It takes time to really look good.  Yes there are women with natural beauty who need little to no make-up.  But these same women still need to bathe, shave, file, polish, blow-dry, and coordinate an outfit.  For those ladies who are like me and need a little plaster and spackling paste; it's only more time consuming.  I like to plan ahead... well... sometimes!  I have been eating well and working out almost daily for the last two weeks.  After several attempts to find a new dress for the party I just gave up and decided to wear a cute short black dress with gold trim that I have.  I got the dress, I got the underwear,(yes dresses require certain specific types of undergarments) and this morning I found some really elegant but simple black heels.  After the shoes I went to Forever 21 to pick out some accessories.  I got 4 pairs of earrings because I wasn't sure which would go best.  The outfit is complete and now it's time to groom.

After an hour long bath I proceeded to follow the steps it takes to make me fly.  Moisturizing this skin and diffusing my hair is done in segments and lasts throughout the primping process.  It is now 4:22 and I am playing the waiting game.  To avoid being late or rushed I started to get ready at 2:30.  I don't want to put my eyeliner on mascara just yet because I want it to be fresh.  Who knows what I'm talking about? 

On top of all this; I'm so worried about what my date will be wearing.  It's somewhat of a formal occasion but I won't be one of those ladies wearing a prom-dress.  My date, however, said he refuses to wear slacks.  WTF??!!  I need a guy who knows how to appropriately dress to different occasions.  I get it.  Jeans can be stylish and dressy... If you're Kanye West!  When I told my CEO that my date was going to wear jeans she almost had a fainting spell.  I am nervous!! 

Those of you who know me know that I don't care about status or where you come from.  I'm not a label-whore or a big baller.  I do however believe that slacks are nice and appropriate for a company Christmas party.  But hey... that's just me!


Monday, December 6, 2010

Story Toppers

We all know our share of story toppers; that one person who could never just let you talk.  Their story is more tragic; their experience is more important.  It doesn't matter if you're sharing a personal experience with a trusted friend; if they overhear you, they have an opinion.  The sad thing is that it doesn't matter what the topic is.  Let's say you're dear sweet grandma died of a battle with heart-disease; their grandmother's case of heart-disease was even worse!  To all you story toppers out there: SHUT UP!  Let others talk. Mind you're own damn business!  The worst is when nobody is even talking to you.  Not everyone loves the sound of your voice.  Not every minute of the day needs to resound your horrid, piercing tone. 

Story toppers make me sit back and examine myself.  I am not the quietest of the bunch.  There are times when I can be beyond obnoxious and loud.  I am consciously trying to be appropriate when I need to be; aware of my environment and those in it.  There's a time for everything.  Whether it's good, loud fun, or quiet listening; I will do my best to be considerate of others. 

Now let's not get carried away; some of you story tellers also need to shut up.  Not everyone wants to hear about your life and how perfect it is.  It's like the good book says: You could tell the what type of tree it is by the fruit it bears.  If you really have an admirable life; people will... admire you!  So stop talking about yourself so much. 

In the company of friends and loved ones; conversation and jokes flow naturally.  Enjoy the ride and participate.



Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Difference In Me

When I returned to the States from Mozambique; my pastor gave me a bible verse to reflect on and live by.  It was 1 Corinthians 10:23 which states: "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify."  His exact words were, "All things are permissible; but all things do not edify."  To my understanding; being edified means being refined and instructed.  That which edifies you leads you to what is truly good, purposeful, and long-term.  It is beneficial for not only yourself; but those around you; and that's the catch.  It's not just about you; it's about those you affect.  When you are edified; you affect your environment in a positive way.  You contribute to your community and care for the well-being of others; and not just their bodies but their souls. 

I lack conviction.  I lack follow-through.  I dove right into the "all is permissible" part of the verse.  I'm yet to actively participate and initiate that which edifies. 

Here's to significant change.  Let's see which steps I take towards a better me.


Sunday, November 28, 2010

Dry Cleaners and God thoughts

Do you ever wonder how certain types of business survive?  Today I had breakfast at Denny's and I noticed that they finally added ham to the "Build Your Own Slam" option.  I was glad because I like the ham there and I always had to pay $2 extra just for a slice.  I'd often think about how much they charge for extra things like that.  For example; if you'd like to add chicken to any plate at Olive Garden; it's an extra $4 or something like that.  But if you go to the store you can buy boneless skinless chicken breast for about $5; and you get about 5 pieces.  This morning I thought, "How much of the cost for these extra's go to the cook, or the waitress?"  Just now I saw an add for a chain of dry-cleaners here in the high desert.  This is sort of a small town and I began to wonder about how these places make a buck.  There are car-washes on every corner.  Do they really make a profit?  With so many retail stores here in the High Desert; I wonder how it is people who work retail can afford rent and shopping.  If it wasn't for my parents and grandparents I'd be scraping the bottom of the barrel working at Roxy and looking like a gamey piece of al'pastor on the spit.

Anyways; what a blessed 4-day weekend.  Lots of fun w/my Jay Bird whom I love so dearly.  I love my parents and enjoy spending time with them.  Also; Ryan Reyna spoke at his church today and it was a powerful message; especially for those who are not as active in their faith as they should be. It made sense to me.  God wants me to partner with Him in all that He is doing.  The truth is that He is working whether I join in or not.  I do miss being a part of what is good in His eyes. 


Thursday, November 25, 2010

My Mama

I am thankful for my mother.  Her compassion and strength are unshakeable.  In hurtful siutations, she goes to her quiet place and talks to God.  Composed she comes out and lives.  Facing her opponent she smiles.  It is Thanksgiving and there is only room for love.  She moves forward and onward to make happy memories because happiness is a choice that involves action.  My best-friend, my rock, my mama.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Is Cristina Aguilera preggers??  She was on Conan tonight and she was looking pretty jiggly; not that I wouldn't kill to look like her even when she jiggles like that.  I had a great day.  Work was busy enough and I had sushi with my dad and my best friend Salina.  Holler.  We even made it to the gym!!!  Goodnight!


Monday, November 15, 2010

Selective Claustraphobia

Yes I have this.  It comes and goes and has a mind of its own.  Today it showed up with a vengeance.  As I sat in my office chair during the last 2 hours of work; a sudden anger came over me and I could not sit still.  I had to get out of my seat and stretch and just get some space.  Does this happen to anyone else?  I like being up and about.  Maybe it's just that I like being able to be up and about whenever I feel I need to.  And whatever happened to 15 minute breaks?  Are those not allowed anymore?  I get an hour for lunch; but does that mean that I get no other break during the day.  I need my 15 minute break.  It would be nice to get out of my seat and just go for a little walk around the hallway.  I can't wait till Wednesday.  I will begin working on what I was hired to do and will be much too busy to sit and freak out.

Should be tired.... but not.


Sunday, November 14, 2010

Growing Pains at 29?

Verbalizing hidden emotions can be painful.  As I speak with a trusted friend about my recent betrayal, my heart begins to ache.  It's easy to have a good day and feel confident and strong.  But in moments of weakness and truth, I still get sad.  As a teen I remember being told to guard my heart.  Until now; I thought I understood what that meant.  It's easy to give your heart away to a nice boy; even easier to think that this nice boy really means what he says and says what he means.  But as a 29 year old woman; I should have gave it more time.  Although we'd been friends for a while; we had only been dating for a month.  I let my feelings take complete control.  I've gone out with guys, dated guys, had guy friends, but never brought a guy that I was dating home to meet my family.  He was my friend first; that is what hurts most.  The age-old sayings hold some truth.  There still are plenty of fish in the sea; and time usually does heal all wounds, but there are times I truly wish I could turn back time and delete the experience I had with this prick.  I'm smarter than that.  Se' la vi.  Lesson learned. I am looking forward to a great week and weekend.  My beautiful Tia Leida will be getting married in Las Vegas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can the cure for a break-up be Las Vegas?  Maybe.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Crows Feet

I've had my amazing moments.  When I say "amazing" I am referring to my having played a part in life-changing moments and events.  I can close my eyes and travel back in time to when I was in Quito, Ecuador with a great group of people on a mission called, "Affect Destiny."  It seems that we really did just that.  Each of us had a specific role.  For most of the trip I felt like I was just a player in the background; until we arrived at the very last school on our agenda.  I remember feeling a strong tugging at my heart.  We've all heard of people who say that God talks to them.  At that particular moment, God was talking to me.  I knew that I'd be the one to deliver the testimony there.  Surrounded by about 90 very young students I began to speak of my experience as a victim of sexual abuse.  But it wasn't me speaking. Words were flowing from my lips and my heart was beating out of my chest.  I locked eyes with one girl in particular who couldn't seem to stop crying.  Her face was straight, and her lips weren't moving, but the tears would not stop flowing.  She knew my pain.  I knew hers.  This was one of those moments.  I was in the midst of something incredible; a moment of complete exposed truth.  Do you know what it's like to have no secrets?  Have you ever had a completely clear conscience with not one skeleton in your closet?  I have.  Everything dirty and shameful about me was made known that day and for the first time I was able to breathe.  Sadly; I didn't know that feeling for very long.  Returning from Ecuador made a way for a somewhat pure and godly life.  But as a girl in my early twenties I became distracted with the world.  Sound familiar to anyone?  In comparison, I am so much more petty now than I was then.  Older and more experienced in life I have learned some lessons and made some positive changes.  But I miss the purity of my youth. 

Back then, my concerns were innocent.  I struggled with how much time I spent reading God's word, how many people I talked to about God, and whether or not I did my best to help others around me.  I worried about things like poverty, hunger, and those who lacked shelter.  Nowadays my focus is more superficial.  I hate that I am getting wrinkles under and around my eyes.  It's a serious concern too.  I often look up the most effective eye-creams online and research what type of vitamins I should take that would make my face look less depleted.  I hate that my weight-loss has led to a boob loss, I have several pairs of torn jeans because they are torn in different places, and I spend way too much money on clothes. 

In no way am I trying to put myself down.  I believe that a person is made up of many different characteristics.  Rarely does one singular action define an entire person.  But as I evaluate my life I recognize the difference in me. 

Part 2 to come.


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Period Cravings

Why do I get cravings for SUGAR!!!! For chocolate or ice cream? Is it just a girl thing? Is it because "that time" is coming soon? The worse part about this is when the day is over and I'm getting ready for bed; feeling so disgusting.  I know these things are not unheard of.  I am not the only woman on earth to deal with them.  Several of my friends deal with the same struggle.  What is the solution? Sugar free snacks?  How about we just have some sort of control and eat 2 cookies instead of 12?  How about we still go to the gym for at least 45 minutes even though it's the last thing we feel like doing?  It's not just about self-control; it's about consistency.  The more you do something, the easier it is because it becomes a part of your routine.

So tired.


Monday, November 8, 2010

Fun With Friends

So much occurred today; but I prefer to start this weeks blogs on a positive note.  Two of my good friends and I  went to LACMA on Sunday and they had an event going on called Let Them Eat LACMA.  There were a few live exhibits that were so much fun.  For starters; some random girls dressed in "Hot Dog On a Stick" outfits were sporadically placed in 2 of the main rooms.  At first I thought they were there for their work-break, but they were part of the theme of the day.  Ms. Pac-Man was hanging out in the front of the museum, just chomping away at everyone.  William Eggleston, Blinky Palermo; I will never fully understand "modern-art."  It was just nothing.  Pictures, and tacky colors.  No thank you.  Highlighting all of the exhibits was the display of Colossal Olmec heads made from basalt.  How beautiful and precious to see the heads close-up.  I have studied them before and it was just amazing to be in front of them and touch them; even though you're not supposed to touch them.  I simply had to.

After an amazing day at LACMA, I got to see "For Colored Girls," and I recommend that every woman does.  It is real, raw, gripping, and relevant.  So powerful.


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Music and Me

There's always a perfect song for the way I feel.  When I need to stop being lazy and get working on making my future brighter, I listen to some Jay Z.  His music makes me want to do work. " Talkin' bout progress I ain't lookin back, people talkin' bout how Hov left 'em flat. Try to re-write history, let's talk about facts." Whether it's hitting it hard at the gym or just getting 'ish done in my daily life' Jay always gets me going.  

As a single female I face concerns, or just plain old experiences with the opposite sex.  There's tons of music for that.  When I need to remind myself of my worth, and move forward towards a better choice, I listen to some Keyshia Cole.  "I know where I went wrong when I loved you more than I loved myself..."  Her lyrics are so empowering.  "I'm on the move, I don't want to lose what I came to prove. It's everything I expect myself to be.  And I'm going to do everything I set out to; making my dreams come true.  It means so much to me."  If you ladies haven't got into Keyshia; you're truly missing out on some good therapy.  It's not just about heartbreak or sorrow.  It's about knowing yourself and what you deserve.  Alicia Keys has some great songs for that too.  

Lauryn Hill.  Yes that's a sentence.  Have you heard her unplugged album?  "Adam Lives In Theory," "I Gotta Find Peace of Mind," "Rebel," "The Conquering Lion;" it changed my world.  The thing is that the music can't be what you're all about.  You need to live.  You need to live and breathe, experience and learn.  Sometimes you don't have to experience; you can just trust that your mother or father actually knew what they were talking about when they told you not to fall for a man with a child and a baby mama.  

Life's lessons can be learned day to day.  The question is simply this: Do you really want to learn? Do you really want to move on from mediocrity?  I sure as hell do.  I can't help but feel that I was created for an incredible purpose.  That's all fine and dandy.  But will I actually get to a point in my life when I am actually taking the necessary steps that would lead to what my soul was meant for?  

My music can nudge me; but ultimately, my daily choices reflect who I really am.  


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

No Shame

Do you know anybody who has absolutely no shame? Or as we mexican's like to call them: sin verguenzas.  I don't mean someone who is blunt or not embarassed to burp in public.  I'm talking about that big girl who sees there's only 3 pieces of cake but still takes 2 pieces because she will plop over and die if she doesn't. 

I am the type of person who can't hide my facial expressions.  If you do something apauling; I'm going to stare.  I came up with a motto:  If you have the nerve, I have the right.  I was at the beach once and this couple was full on getting busy on their towel.  I literally believe that they were having sex.  I started and kept saying things really loud so that they would hear.  Some of my friends told me to shut up; but I refuse to be silent when people obviously don't care to respect the rights of those around them.  Another time at the beach this guy had his disgusting hairy foot propped up on his tiny girlfriend.  They were about 12 feet from me; but I could still see his thick, long, yellow toe-nails.  His girlfriend whipped out some nail clippers and began to chop them off piece by piece.  It was absolutely repulsive.  I stared, I gagged, I pointed, and I yelled.  "That's effin nasty."  Once again, my friends told me to be quiet.  But if they had the nerve to be so rude and gross in a public place; then I have the right to criticize.  Que no?

Employee orientation today was no picnic.  It was beyond boring and although I wanted to lay my scarf on the table and use it as a pillow; I drank an extra cup of coffee and sucked it up.  Others however, did not.  Two or three of the new employees had their heads on the desk, eyes half shut, and paid no attention to the guest speakers.  No shame! You have a new job at a great place.  Why wouldn't you want to make a great first impression with the department leaders? 

I'm exhausted. Goodnight.


Tuesday, November 2, 2010


First of all; I found out that the protein shake I've been taking is for BUILDING mass!! AHHHH!!  Thankfully; I have stood at the same weight, and not gained!  Good thing I've been hitting the gym on the regular!

Second of all; the thing about thefugleetruth is that once you've had time to think about it; once you let it sink in; you realize that your emotions were in control.  When thefugleetruth comes out, it isn't pretty.  It is painful, and raw, and revealing.  Hopefully you are surrounded by friends when you face these types of moments.  True friends see you at your weakest and hurt along with you.  They wish the best for you and love you even though you have raccoon eyes and a runny nose.  After some time has passed; you realize your mistakes (hopefully) and see that you were more emotional than logical.  It's important to be level-headed when it comes to the notion of love.  Weigh the good and bad; and make a decision that makes sense for you and the plans you have for your future.  It's not all about feelings. 

Life is so beautiful.  After work I spent a few hours with my parents.  What an example of love.  They have their fights and little arguments; but at the end of the day they work things out and are the best of friends.  I feel blessed that they still enjoy spending time with me.  On the way home from Ontario we were pretty quiet untill my mom started talking about a show called "Taboo" on the National Geographic channel.  She was telling my dad about this woman who has a waist the size of a cd (compact disc).  She went on and on about this couple who special orders corsets that are 2 sizes too small for the wife.  Yuck!!  My mom started cracking up and went on to tell us about men who have life-sized female dolls as their life-partners.  What the hell?  She had been quiet for 45 minutes but apparently her wheels were turning.  It was hilarious. Good times.


Sunday, October 31, 2010

Really Good Weekend

Life is beautiful and I'm so thankful to have such an amazing family.  My parents are the best.  They have always loved and supported me through thick and thin.  My mom took me to Marshalls yesterday and got me some really nice things to wear to work including a beautiful new coat and some sexy business heels.  Thanks Ma. 

Dawn came out yesterday to hang out and go to the halloween party with me.  FUN times!!!  Longanisa (sp?) for breakfast and carne asada tacos for lunch; with scary movies AND the world series!!  Sucks to think I have to wake up at 5:40 tomorrow morning and get another work-week out of the way.  It's been a great weekend though.  Holler!


Closure Anyone?

We "talked."  Closure isn't all it's cracked up to be for the following reasons:  Given the day that we live in; you are most likely to recieve this "closure" in the form of an email, text message, and if you're really lucky; a phone call. 

Well I got my text messages last night.  There were quite a few.  I don't know how much of it was truth; but what he did say was pretty fugly.  Nathan bascially told me that I didn't really know him.  He said he was not a good person; for me or for anyone.  "Find a good man, Vicky.  One who will treat you right and take care of you," he wrote.  He said that it was real and that he wanted it to work; but just couldn't move forward. 

Blah blah blah blah.  It doesn't even matter anymore.  I'm a pretty understanding person and things could have been so much different.  We could have just been friends. 

Last night I was talking to this guy I used to date.  "Don't you miss your boyfriend?" he asked.  It was almost as if he was accusing me of moving on too quickly.  (Yes we were just TALKING.)  I did my best to make it work.  I tried to help him with his issues and still be happy in our relationship.  Things went bad because of him.  Am I supposed to mourn and not talk to any new prospects because not enough time has passed?  Lesson learned, but life goes on.  It's not that I didn't have real feelings for Nathan; I just know that there's nothing I could have done differently that would have made the relationship last.  He sabotaged it.  Life goes on. 


Friday, October 29, 2010

Hoochie Halloween

Is it really true?  Do most of us "ladies" look for the sexiest costume we could find? A few years back I told my roomate that I was going to dress as a Cantina Girl for Halloween.  "What's that?" she asked.  "Sort of like a slutty Mexican chick," I said.  "Oh; so you're going to be yourself?" she replied.  WELL!  Who hasn't done it?  It's fun. And while you still got a lil something to show; why the hell not?  I was a farmer one year.  That wasn't hoochie.  My favorite costume was when I was in pre-school.  I will never forget it.  My mom dressed me as Pippi Long-Stocking.  My outfit was dope!  I had some cut-off jean shorts, long striped socks, and she put pens in my hair to make my braids stand up on the sides.  I even had freckles painted on my face.  That was probably the best costume I've ever worn.  Whatever you are this year make sure you rock it.  And if you're getting older and not looking as "tight" as you once did... tuck those nalgas in.  Nobody want's to see that mess. 

Oh yeah; don't drink and drive!!


Thursday, October 28, 2010

Cheat Day?!

Women today are so obsessed with their weight.  There is a huge difference between that; and just being healthy overall.  Working out, eating the right foods and portions, and counting calories are a part of my daily life.  But sometimes... I JUST WANT TO CHEAT!!!  My friend just told me he was going to have pizza for dinner.  The first thing that came to my mind was "I can't eat that."  Is it just me; or does anyone else feel like eating ONE bad thing will make you feel bloated and gross?  Pizza tonight equals swinging double-chin at work tomorrow.  Is it all in my head?  I like to think I'm healthy, but going to the gym 4 to 5 times a week just doesn't seem like enough.  I want results!

I have to dig really deep tonight.  I'm sleepy and all I want to do is stay home and watch game 2 of the World Series.  But I know I'd feel a lot better if I go to the gym and kicked some a$$ on the treadmill. 

More to follow.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Secretary A$$

Who here has an office job?  It's been a while since I've worked in the office.  I hate sitting for long periods of time.  I actually feel like my ass is getting flatter with each minute that passes.  Being selectively claustrophobic doesn't help either.  I can only stay at my desk for so long before a panic-attack sets in.  I purposely drink tons of water so that I can get up and go to the bathroom as often as possible.  Do co-workers get upset when you get up and go to the bathroom every 15 minutes? 

That's all I have to say for now. I'm so damn tired.  I don't know whether I should go to the gym or eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Suggestions?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Signs and Red Flags

It's called "The Fuglee Truth" because I am not going to derail from honesty.  If there's something that's too personal or incriminating; I'll just omit it completely. 

Signs.  Red flags.  They come up more than we care to notice or admit.  Red Flag #1:  I was friends with Nathan for about 6 months before we ever kissed.  We had a really cool friendship and shared interests in baseball, basketball, seafood, beer, and just life in general.  It was the night before my 28th birthday and my good friend had a little party for me.  Nathan came up to see me and hang out at the party.  When he was getting ready to leave I walked him to his car and we shared our very first kiss.  Moments later; my cell phone was blowing up.  Tired of hearing my phone ring I picked it up.  "Is Nathan with you?" the female caller asked.  "Yes.  Who is this?"  I asked.  "His girlfriend," she protested."  The entire time we talked and flirted and were friends; he had a girlfriend.  Not only was she his girlfriend; she was his baby's mama.  Now I knew he had a son and an "ex," but he had told me they hadn't been in a relationship for about a year. 

Can you say "pendeja?"  My mom would slap me if she knew I got with him after this experience.  A year had past and we crossed paths in Long Beach.  I was certain I could never date him again; but our friendship grew into something more and this time I was sure he was single... but who knows. 

The bottom line is that this was a tremendous, waving, bloody-red flag.  Once a cheater always a cheater?  I had reasoned that although Nathan didn't tell me he was still "technically" in a relationship; it was basically over with her anyway.  He put too much time and effort into our friendship to have been in a relationship with her.  Some of those old sayings still hold true. 

Red Flag #2:  As we began to date for the second time I thought that in spite of my reservations from my prior experience with him; things were going pretty well.  He met my friends and I met his family.  We played tennis and softball together.  Things were pretty normal.  Till one day I noticed he was acting strange, and the next day I didn't hear one word from him.  Now guys give us crap for thinking that just because we go hours without hearing from them doesn't mean they are up to something bad.  But I knew Nathan.  He was into me and he bugged me more than I bugged him.  So I was shocked to not get one phone call or text from him that day.  Given the way things went down the first time, (baby mama drama); I didn't put it past him to be up to something else.  The next day he finally called me only after I texted him to ask if he was still going to play in a softball tournament with my team and I.  "Do you want to know why I ignored you yestereday?" he asked.  "Uhmmm.... why?" I replied.  "I'm not ready to be in a relationship." he said.  What the bloody hell?!?!  This coming from the guy who would go on and on about how much he liked me, and how even after that first awful experience; he never stopped thinking of me.  Why oh why did I not see things clearly after this?  Days had passed and I told him to give me some time to shake him off.  I thought that maybe we could be friends in spite of what he had just told me.  Instead, we talked and texted and hung out more than ever; eventually establishing our connection and relationship.

Never, ever, ever let the good times make you completely overlook or rationalize the bad times.  Nathan and I had some great times together.  It felt good to be at his side and we had fun just hanging out and talking. When problems came up I did my best to understand them.  I made excuses. 

Red Flag #3:   He had a temper.  He was a hot-head and was very loud.  He told me about a few fights he had been in; the most recent being the night after our softball tournament. That fight landed him in jail for the night. If I ever asked him to repeat something more than once; or if I didn't understand what he said; he'd yell it out at me.  He often blamed his loud tone on his being a puerto-rican with a loud family; but sometimes he was a bit much.  Nathan was not abusive to me.  I don't want anyone (brothers) thinking that he mistreated me or physically abused me.  These are just little signs that should have kept me from pursuing a relationship with this type of person. 

Some of you might think that these warnings are obvious.  Who would ever willingly enter into such a relationship?  It happens.  Aside from the few commments posted on my first blog; I got several messages and texts from friends saying they have experience something similar. 

Enough of my ramblings; check out this website:  www.theredflagcampaign.orgThis is for everyone.  Single girls, married girls with single friends or siblings; guys with sisters, and guys themselves. 

More tomorrow.


Monday, October 25, 2010

Last week I had a boyfriend; this week I don't.

I start my very first blog with the Fuglee Truth.  Last week I had a boyfriend; and this week I don't.  My mind is filled with all the sweet and intimate things he told me.  Just last Saturday I was at his house watching his Yankees lose game 2 of the ALCS.  He was happy to see me.  I watched the game with his nephew and him as he and I cuddled and ate some snacks.  I could go on and on with direct quotes regarding his feelings for me.   But somewhere between Sunday and today; I got the coldest brush off in history; WORSE than Carrie's break-up post-it from Jack Burger.   This was my BOYFRIEND; and from Friday till today; (Monday) I haven't heard one single word from him.  What a stab to the heart!  Not even the g.d decency to call or TEXT me and let me know that it was over.  Some of you ladies are probably thinking that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill; you are the ones I'm writing this blog for.  Your boyfriend should not go three days without contacting you.  Especially when just a week before; you had communicated on the regular throughout the day. 
This wasn't a bootie call.  Nathan and I established that we were in a relationship.  He kept joking with me and calling me "dater."  He'd say that he didn't treat girls he was just "dating" the way he treated me.  He didn't bring girls he was just "dating" around his family and his mother.  He didn't have girls he was just "dating" over to watch a game and have dinner.  And on a date at the movies he finally asked me if his "girlfriend" was having a good time.  He was my man, and we shared the deepest of thoughts and conversations about our future; what he'd wear during our wedding, and the color of our future-child's eyes.  In fact; just thursday night he jokingly texted me about a party-favor he'd like to have at our wedding. 
It was Friday that I really noticed he was being distant.  It was Friday that I last heard his voice.  It was Saturday that I still tried to call and text him; believing in my heart that he was just busy with his family and preoccupied with the Yanks and Bruins getting their asses handed to them.  It was 12:30 am that I called him with tears in my eyes; it went to voicemail.  I left no message.  Although hanging by a tiny thread; I had some integrity left.  Thank God for my best friend, Salina.  She encouraged me and reassured me that no matter what; I don't deserve a man who cannot communicate with me.  I do not deserve to be ignored, and that the question was not "What went wrong?"  The question was, "Do you really want to be with a man who is going to be so fickle, inconsiderate, and selfish?" 
Sunday afternoon:  I let her words sink in and finally decided to get out of bed.  Gym time.  I worked out hard and stood there till I was exhausted.  Feeling better about myself I gave Salina a call.  During a break-up, or a stand-up; it's so easy to resort to thinking that something is wrong with you.  "Maybe I'm not pretty enough."  "Maybe I'm not thin enough."  "Maybe I'm not young enough."  Why do we do this to ourselves?  After weighing the memories of our short relationship; I realized that it wasn't just about me and my "short-comings."  By no means am I innocent or perfect; I had some dirty laundry in this temporary bond.  But I guess I have to chalk this one up under the category: Not meant to be. 
More to come soon.