Sunday, October 31, 2010

Really Good Weekend

Life is beautiful and I'm so thankful to have such an amazing family.  My parents are the best.  They have always loved and supported me through thick and thin.  My mom took me to Marshalls yesterday and got me some really nice things to wear to work including a beautiful new coat and some sexy business heels.  Thanks Ma. 

Dawn came out yesterday to hang out and go to the halloween party with me.  FUN times!!!  Longanisa (sp?) for breakfast and carne asada tacos for lunch; with scary movies AND the world series!!  Sucks to think I have to wake up at 5:40 tomorrow morning and get another work-week out of the way.  It's been a great weekend though.  Holler!


Closure Anyone?

We "talked."  Closure isn't all it's cracked up to be for the following reasons:  Given the day that we live in; you are most likely to recieve this "closure" in the form of an email, text message, and if you're really lucky; a phone call. 

Well I got my text messages last night.  There were quite a few.  I don't know how much of it was truth; but what he did say was pretty fugly.  Nathan bascially told me that I didn't really know him.  He said he was not a good person; for me or for anyone.  "Find a good man, Vicky.  One who will treat you right and take care of you," he wrote.  He said that it was real and that he wanted it to work; but just couldn't move forward. 

Blah blah blah blah.  It doesn't even matter anymore.  I'm a pretty understanding person and things could have been so much different.  We could have just been friends. 

Last night I was talking to this guy I used to date.  "Don't you miss your boyfriend?" he asked.  It was almost as if he was accusing me of moving on too quickly.  (Yes we were just TALKING.)  I did my best to make it work.  I tried to help him with his issues and still be happy in our relationship.  Things went bad because of him.  Am I supposed to mourn and not talk to any new prospects because not enough time has passed?  Lesson learned, but life goes on.  It's not that I didn't have real feelings for Nathan; I just know that there's nothing I could have done differently that would have made the relationship last.  He sabotaged it.  Life goes on. 


Friday, October 29, 2010

Hoochie Halloween

Is it really true?  Do most of us "ladies" look for the sexiest costume we could find? A few years back I told my roomate that I was going to dress as a Cantina Girl for Halloween.  "What's that?" she asked.  "Sort of like a slutty Mexican chick," I said.  "Oh; so you're going to be yourself?" she replied.  WELL!  Who hasn't done it?  It's fun. And while you still got a lil something to show; why the hell not?  I was a farmer one year.  That wasn't hoochie.  My favorite costume was when I was in pre-school.  I will never forget it.  My mom dressed me as Pippi Long-Stocking.  My outfit was dope!  I had some cut-off jean shorts, long striped socks, and she put pens in my hair to make my braids stand up on the sides.  I even had freckles painted on my face.  That was probably the best costume I've ever worn.  Whatever you are this year make sure you rock it.  And if you're getting older and not looking as "tight" as you once did... tuck those nalgas in.  Nobody want's to see that mess. 

Oh yeah; don't drink and drive!!


Thursday, October 28, 2010

Cheat Day?!

Women today are so obsessed with their weight.  There is a huge difference between that; and just being healthy overall.  Working out, eating the right foods and portions, and counting calories are a part of my daily life.  But sometimes... I JUST WANT TO CHEAT!!!  My friend just told me he was going to have pizza for dinner.  The first thing that came to my mind was "I can't eat that."  Is it just me; or does anyone else feel like eating ONE bad thing will make you feel bloated and gross?  Pizza tonight equals swinging double-chin at work tomorrow.  Is it all in my head?  I like to think I'm healthy, but going to the gym 4 to 5 times a week just doesn't seem like enough.  I want results!

I have to dig really deep tonight.  I'm sleepy and all I want to do is stay home and watch game 2 of the World Series.  But I know I'd feel a lot better if I go to the gym and kicked some a$$ on the treadmill. 

More to follow.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Secretary A$$

Who here has an office job?  It's been a while since I've worked in the office.  I hate sitting for long periods of time.  I actually feel like my ass is getting flatter with each minute that passes.  Being selectively claustrophobic doesn't help either.  I can only stay at my desk for so long before a panic-attack sets in.  I purposely drink tons of water so that I can get up and go to the bathroom as often as possible.  Do co-workers get upset when you get up and go to the bathroom every 15 minutes? 

That's all I have to say for now. I'm so damn tired.  I don't know whether I should go to the gym or eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Suggestions?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Signs and Red Flags

It's called "The Fuglee Truth" because I am not going to derail from honesty.  If there's something that's too personal or incriminating; I'll just omit it completely. 

Signs.  Red flags.  They come up more than we care to notice or admit.  Red Flag #1:  I was friends with Nathan for about 6 months before we ever kissed.  We had a really cool friendship and shared interests in baseball, basketball, seafood, beer, and just life in general.  It was the night before my 28th birthday and my good friend had a little party for me.  Nathan came up to see me and hang out at the party.  When he was getting ready to leave I walked him to his car and we shared our very first kiss.  Moments later; my cell phone was blowing up.  Tired of hearing my phone ring I picked it up.  "Is Nathan with you?" the female caller asked.  "Yes.  Who is this?"  I asked.  "His girlfriend," she protested."  The entire time we talked and flirted and were friends; he had a girlfriend.  Not only was she his girlfriend; she was his baby's mama.  Now I knew he had a son and an "ex," but he had told me they hadn't been in a relationship for about a year. 

Can you say "pendeja?"  My mom would slap me if she knew I got with him after this experience.  A year had past and we crossed paths in Long Beach.  I was certain I could never date him again; but our friendship grew into something more and this time I was sure he was single... but who knows. 

The bottom line is that this was a tremendous, waving, bloody-red flag.  Once a cheater always a cheater?  I had reasoned that although Nathan didn't tell me he was still "technically" in a relationship; it was basically over with her anyway.  He put too much time and effort into our friendship to have been in a relationship with her.  Some of those old sayings still hold true. 

Red Flag #2:  As we began to date for the second time I thought that in spite of my reservations from my prior experience with him; things were going pretty well.  He met my friends and I met his family.  We played tennis and softball together.  Things were pretty normal.  Till one day I noticed he was acting strange, and the next day I didn't hear one word from him.  Now guys give us crap for thinking that just because we go hours without hearing from them doesn't mean they are up to something bad.  But I knew Nathan.  He was into me and he bugged me more than I bugged him.  So I was shocked to not get one phone call or text from him that day.  Given the way things went down the first time, (baby mama drama); I didn't put it past him to be up to something else.  The next day he finally called me only after I texted him to ask if he was still going to play in a softball tournament with my team and I.  "Do you want to know why I ignored you yestereday?" he asked.  "Uhmmm.... why?" I replied.  "I'm not ready to be in a relationship." he said.  What the bloody hell?!?!  This coming from the guy who would go on and on about how much he liked me, and how even after that first awful experience; he never stopped thinking of me.  Why oh why did I not see things clearly after this?  Days had passed and I told him to give me some time to shake him off.  I thought that maybe we could be friends in spite of what he had just told me.  Instead, we talked and texted and hung out more than ever; eventually establishing our connection and relationship.

Never, ever, ever let the good times make you completely overlook or rationalize the bad times.  Nathan and I had some great times together.  It felt good to be at his side and we had fun just hanging out and talking. When problems came up I did my best to understand them.  I made excuses. 

Red Flag #3:   He had a temper.  He was a hot-head and was very loud.  He told me about a few fights he had been in; the most recent being the night after our softball tournament. That fight landed him in jail for the night. If I ever asked him to repeat something more than once; or if I didn't understand what he said; he'd yell it out at me.  He often blamed his loud tone on his being a puerto-rican with a loud family; but sometimes he was a bit much.  Nathan was not abusive to me.  I don't want anyone (brothers) thinking that he mistreated me or physically abused me.  These are just little signs that should have kept me from pursuing a relationship with this type of person. 

Some of you might think that these warnings are obvious.  Who would ever willingly enter into such a relationship?  It happens.  Aside from the few commments posted on my first blog; I got several messages and texts from friends saying they have experience something similar. 

Enough of my ramblings; check out this website:  www.theredflagcampaign.orgThis is for everyone.  Single girls, married girls with single friends or siblings; guys with sisters, and guys themselves. 

More tomorrow.


Monday, October 25, 2010

Last week I had a boyfriend; this week I don't.

I start my very first blog with the Fuglee Truth.  Last week I had a boyfriend; and this week I don't.  My mind is filled with all the sweet and intimate things he told me.  Just last Saturday I was at his house watching his Yankees lose game 2 of the ALCS.  He was happy to see me.  I watched the game with his nephew and him as he and I cuddled and ate some snacks.  I could go on and on with direct quotes regarding his feelings for me.   But somewhere between Sunday and today; I got the coldest brush off in history; WORSE than Carrie's break-up post-it from Jack Burger.   This was my BOYFRIEND; and from Friday till today; (Monday) I haven't heard one single word from him.  What a stab to the heart!  Not even the g.d decency to call or TEXT me and let me know that it was over.  Some of you ladies are probably thinking that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill; you are the ones I'm writing this blog for.  Your boyfriend should not go three days without contacting you.  Especially when just a week before; you had communicated on the regular throughout the day. 
This wasn't a bootie call.  Nathan and I established that we were in a relationship.  He kept joking with me and calling me "dater."  He'd say that he didn't treat girls he was just "dating" the way he treated me.  He didn't bring girls he was just "dating" around his family and his mother.  He didn't have girls he was just "dating" over to watch a game and have dinner.  And on a date at the movies he finally asked me if his "girlfriend" was having a good time.  He was my man, and we shared the deepest of thoughts and conversations about our future; what he'd wear during our wedding, and the color of our future-child's eyes.  In fact; just thursday night he jokingly texted me about a party-favor he'd like to have at our wedding. 
It was Friday that I really noticed he was being distant.  It was Friday that I last heard his voice.  It was Saturday that I still tried to call and text him; believing in my heart that he was just busy with his family and preoccupied with the Yanks and Bruins getting their asses handed to them.  It was 12:30 am that I called him with tears in my eyes; it went to voicemail.  I left no message.  Although hanging by a tiny thread; I had some integrity left.  Thank God for my best friend, Salina.  She encouraged me and reassured me that no matter what; I don't deserve a man who cannot communicate with me.  I do not deserve to be ignored, and that the question was not "What went wrong?"  The question was, "Do you really want to be with a man who is going to be so fickle, inconsiderate, and selfish?" 
Sunday afternoon:  I let her words sink in and finally decided to get out of bed.  Gym time.  I worked out hard and stood there till I was exhausted.  Feeling better about myself I gave Salina a call.  During a break-up, or a stand-up; it's so easy to resort to thinking that something is wrong with you.  "Maybe I'm not pretty enough."  "Maybe I'm not thin enough."  "Maybe I'm not young enough."  Why do we do this to ourselves?  After weighing the memories of our short relationship; I realized that it wasn't just about me and my "short-comings."  By no means am I innocent or perfect; I had some dirty laundry in this temporary bond.  But I guess I have to chalk this one up under the category: Not meant to be. 
More to come soon.